Apne Aap.

"The work we do is nothing more than a means of transforming our love for Christ into something concrete." - Mother Theresa, from the chalkboard sign on the way into Adoration yesterday. If you're praying for me, please pray that this is my mindset in service. I need to remember why I'm doing what I do.

Yesterday, I visited Apne Aap. Today, in a few hours, I will visit Freeset in Sonagachi for the first time. Now, don't hear me say that I'm planning on suddenly discovering my exact life calling (but I wouldn't turn that down!). Rather, I'm just embracing the truth of what I explained to the women at Apne Aap yesterday: while I loved working at Apne Aap, I really want to be in Sonagachi...so I need to go work with Freeset for the next few days.

As a quick explanation, Freeset is a social business started from New Zealand in Sonagachi, the largest redlight district in Southeast Asia. Freeset helps women get out of prostitution by providing jobs making bags, t-shirts, and other products. They're also just a really cool, women's empowerment-y organization with some volunteers who live in Sonagachi, which I like. Last year, during one of my last days in India, I visited Sonagachi and knew I had to come back. At Urbana this past December, I met Kerry Hilton, the guy who leads Freeset. We met when I randomly felt like I should go stand outside of the International Prayer Room for awhile, and he showed up wearing a shirt covered in Bangla. I started reading his shirt and we began to talk about Sonagachi and Kolkata. Then, a month or so ago, I met Pip, a nurse who is planning on working on health education in Sonagachi with Freeset for the next 14 years. She gave me Kerry's contact info and now...I'm going. In an hour and a half. And I'll be there for the next four days.

But yesterday! Yesterday, I visited the CLS program in Kolkata (which seems wonderful) and returned to Apne Aap for the first time in a year and a half. I bought some mishti to bring with me and walked / ran to the center...to find it padlocked. What. The woman who lives next door told me (in Bangla) that the school had moved. Noooooooooo. I was not happy about this. Then her son grabbed my hand and started walking with me down the street. A block later, he points to a sign - Apne Aap had moved about twenty meters closer to the girls' homes. Ah. That makes sense. The first woman I saw was Angelie's mother. AAAAAAAAAH! We hugged and spoke Bangla and it was wonderful. Up the stairs and I talked with the other teachers I worked with. Yay yay yay! Soma, Dipa's mother, told me that Dipa asks all the time, "where is Ani-di? When is Ani-di coming back?" It was crazy to be able to understand what she was saying. Soma knows nearly no English, but used to try to talk with me in Bangla all the time. This time, I understood some of what she said and was able to respond. Wow. Praise God for language.

Zareen said the girls would come at two o'clock, but that most of them would not come. When I expressed concern that the girls weren't coming to class, she told me that after I left, the girls took an English test and were placed into formal schooling. ALL OF THEM. That means EVERY girl I taught is now in school. This is insane. When I was there, I was their English teacher. Now, they're not even taking English classes at Apne Aap anymore, except a two day per week grammar lesson, because they're going to formal school. At this moment, Zareen taught me how to say "proud" - gorbito. Ami khubi gorbito karon amar shob chatrora schoole jache. I am very proud because all of my girls are going to school. I knew that the English class I taught was making a difference because I saw the girls' progression in speaking, writing, reading, and listening abilities, but hearing that they're in school now...that's something else.

At two o'clock, a few of the girls I taught - Zainab (who now spells her name Jainab), Noori (who was still wearing the bracelet I made for her), and Kohinoor - came for their grammar tutorial. I hugged them all. They each knew more English. I knew more Bangla. We spoke. I can't express in words how it feels to suddenly be able to communicate in spoken language with someone you loved without words for four months. I imagine it's like being suddenly able to see.

Then Dipa walked in and stood by the door, waiting for me. At the time, I was sitting in class with the girls. I stood up, walked over to her and picked her up and carried her out of the room. I put her down and told her that I had missed her so much and that she was beautiful and smart and that I loved her. I also told her she was taller and her teeth had grown bigger. She pulled a ribbon tied into a bow out of her pocket and tied it onto my wrist. Then we went back to class together and she sat with me. AAAAAAAAAAAH I love that child.

Eventually, the rest of the children came to the center. They attacked me and asked me a zillion questions. Then Dipa asked for my camera and we took a zillion pictures. I'll put them on Facebook.

I need to leave for Freeset soon, so the rest of this post might be a bit of a brain-mess. I'll try to organize it.

After Apne Aap, I went to buy henna at a corner store. The man spoke English, I spoke back in Bangla. I told him his English was very good...in Bangla. He said my Bangla was also very good...in English. Then he said something that I've been waiting to hear for three days: "I am trying to prove myself by speaking English." There. That's it. We both refused to speak the language we knew best because we wanted to prove we could speak each others' language. This is why I've had so many conversations here in which I speak Bangla and Indians reply in English. We both want to prove ourselves.

Kintu, ami ekhono shuddhu Bangla kotha bolte chai.
But I still want to speak only Bangla.

Okay.

Going to Freeset now.

I've got an hour to get there. That should be enough time, yeah? Ami asha kori je eta thik. I hope this is right.

I'll try to upload photos for a bit before I go.

Love and transition,
Stephanie