Well, actually, I'm gonna start from last night.
Went to dinner with Australia and Ireland, and then stayed up talking with Germanyx2, Russia, and Seattle. Then talked with Spain for awhile. And then Italy. And then talked with Australia for an hour and a half (he's leaving Sunday...:-( ) and went to bed when Francex2, Seattle, and Australia started rolling giant hash joints.
It's probably weird that I refer to people by their countries, but their accents are easier to remember than their names.
Ireland is quite possibly the cutest girl ever. Ireland (Carmel) and Scott (Australia) make fun of each others' accents, which is silly, 'cause they're actually kind of similar. ...to me.
I'm gonna stick some journal exerpts on here from last night.
"I am here. I've been here for...10.5 hours. And it feels like I've lived here...in another life. There are people from Spain, Russia, Australia, Ireland, Italy, Germany, Holland, France...all living here, speaking English, eating, drinking, taking the same cool showers, peeing in the same holes in the floor. This. Is. Amazing. ... This place is so beautiful, so rich, so full of culture and life. Maybe I'm experiencing the backpacker life and not the Kolkata life. I saw the trash in the gutters. I felt the tug of children on the street. Is my heart hard? Am I dead? I thought God wanted me here, but why do I not feel the suffering? I mean...I feel...elated. Amazed. How do I focus on serving God (and people, obviously) here? In this city where 7-year-olds are getting raper, and us from Spain, Italy, Ireland, the States - we're sitting on a roof smoking joints. ... it's cheaper to smoke here than it is to eat..."
P.S., I didn't smoke. I'm still the Stephanie you all know. :-)
So...here's the thing. There is so much energy here, and I can't help but be positively gleeful. But then I feel awful about feeling gleeful, because there's so much suffering. But the thing is...you don't see the suffering as much as you see the colours, hear the music, smell the curry. So it's difficult to realize how much the city needs, when you're so enthralled by how much it has. And then I end up sitting on a roof at midnight, journaling, thinking about how beautiful it all is - listening to car horns and gunshots. I wish I realized the suffering more. Please pray that God completety breaks my heart for what breaks His. I don't want the illusion of backpacker life - I want to know the real Kolkata, and serve with continued joy, buy also a sense of complete reality. And I desire to keep the joy as a state of existance rather than as an emotion, and also be aware of, and actively alleviating, the suffering here.
Oh, P.S., Matt had an awesome day today. :-) He's a gazillion times more comfortable. Rather than starting work today, we slept - we needed it. I pushed myself way too much this past week. So we slept, got food, journaled, yep. I bought a skirt (200 rupees), pants (90 rupees), and a shirt (100 rupees). Bartered all those prices down. In Bangla. Nay-cheh-hee-ay mean "do not need." Use that one on the streets a lot.
Okay, all done.
This blog will not be updated this much every day, I promise. This beginning-post-a-day thing won't happen for much longer. :-)
Love and bangla,
Stephanie
