Well, actually, I'm gonna start from last night.
Went to dinner with Australia and Ireland, and then stayed up talking with Germanyx2, Russia, and Seattle. Then talked with Spain for awhile. And then Italy. And then talked with Australia for an hour and a half (he's leaving Sunday...:-( ) and went to bed when Francex2, Seattle, and Australia started rolling giant hash joints.
It's probably weird that I refer to people by their countries, but their accents are easier to remember than their names.
Ireland is quite possibly the cutest girl ever. Ireland (Carmel) and Scott (Australia) make fun of each others' accents, which is silly, 'cause they're actually kind of similar. ...to me.
I'm gonna stick some journal exerpts on here from last night.
"I am here. I've been here for...10.5 hours. And it feels like I've lived here...in another life. There are people from Spain, Russia, Australia, Ireland, Italy, Germany, Holland, France...all living here, speaking English, eating, drinking, taking the same cool showers, peeing in the same holes in the floor. This. Is. Amazing. ... This place is so beautiful, so rich, so full of culture and life. Maybe I'm experiencing the backpacker life and not the Kolkata life. I saw the trash in the gutters. I felt the tug of children on the street. Is my heart hard? Am I dead? I thought God wanted me here, but why do I not feel the suffering? I mean...I feel...elated. Amazed. How do I focus on serving God (and people, obviously) here? In this city where 7-year-olds are getting raper, and us from Spain, Italy, Ireland, the States - we're sitting on a roof smoking joints. ... it's cheaper to smoke here than it is to eat..."
P.S., I didn't smoke. I'm still the Stephanie you all know. :-)
So...here's the thing. There is so much energy here, and I can't help but be positively gleeful. But then I feel awful about feeling gleeful, because there's so much suffering. But the thing is...you don't see the suffering as much as you see the colours, hear the music, smell the curry. So it's difficult to realize how much the city needs, when you're so enthralled by how much it has. And then I end up sitting on a roof at midnight, journaling, thinking about how beautiful it all is - listening to car horns and gunshots. I wish I realized the suffering more. Please pray that God completety breaks my heart for what breaks His. I don't want the illusion of backpacker life - I want to know the real Kolkata, and serve with continued joy, buy also a sense of complete reality. And I desire to keep the joy as a state of existance rather than as an emotion, and also be aware of, and actively alleviating, the suffering here.
Oh, P.S., Matt had an awesome day today. :-) He's a gazillion times more comfortable. Rather than starting work today, we slept - we needed it. I pushed myself way too much this past week. So we slept, got food, journaled, yep. I bought a skirt (200 rupees), pants (90 rupees), and a shirt (100 rupees). Bartered all those prices down. In Bangla. Nay-cheh-hee-ay mean "do not need." Use that one on the streets a lot.
Okay, all done.
This blog will not be updated this much every day, I promise. This beginning-post-a-day thing won't happen for much longer. :-)
Love and bangla,
Stephanie
6 comments:
Yea! Dad and I are the first to comment! We are so glad that you are safe and took a day for your health - sleeping! I have been praying for you and Matty, as you requested, and I am glad he is feeling less anxious. Thank you so much for Blogging - I do hope you find the time to do it every day! And your "multi-international experience" sounds cool!
Continue to be safe and well.
Our word below is Antiz. Dad says it means "your aunts are happy that you are keeping yourself safe and taking your anti-malaria pills." I agree! Love you! ~ Mom
Read some of mother Teresa's work! Be safe and don't smoke anything! Love Aunt Terri
Steph,
Hello Beautiful Lady! I am so excited by your experiences thus far. I can already see the ways in which God has changed even the way you write. I will be praying and know that soon your heart will be broken for what breaks God's. But at the same time know that without the enjoyment of what makes their culture and their lives you would not feel the same compassion for them in their suffering. Take time to breathe it all in and continue to embrace all that is beautiful. Very soon I know that you will begin to see and feel and experience the brokenness, but if you continue to see it as God would, you will learn to see the beauty of the hope found in the brokenness. I love you and will be praying for you and India!
Love and Blessings,
Sam
stephanie! i'm so glad you're enjoying kolkata! i completely understand the little bit of guilt that goes with being in an area that is so in need, but so new and exciting to you that you can't help but be experiencing joy. that's good. it means that you appreciate the good that is there, and can see the beauty and the way it should be, but that you also realize that there are problems throughout. i promise you, your heart will break for those people. but keep your hope. have confidence it what you and other people are doing to help them. it will be amazing. everything will be. there's so much for you to experience and learn beyond the specific work that brought you there. embrace that. learn from all your new international friends. love them too, just like you're going to love your students! haha! i'm so proud of you. much love.
I'm glad you didn't smoke :P
it's good to stick to your old (morals?) in a new environment.
and it's amusing to hear about all the different accents and how you remember them - it's very stephanie-esque, and awesome haha.
And it's encouraging to hear about the tone there. I think that if suffering was so apparent somewhere, and overridden so that it overtakes your senses, then as a human species, we've failed a bit. As it is, there shouldn't be suffering anyways, but I'm glad there's a mask of happiness somewhere.
p.s. thanks for sleeping :)
p.p.s., if you get tired of me commenting: just tell me =D
I love love love love you! And I'm proud of you. And I'm praying for you. God is going to use you. He's going to use you to change people's lives and He's going to bless you richly in the process - it's what happens when you serve the Lord. His will is something amazing.
Don't feel guilty about feeling gleeful. It's okay to enjoy and celebrate what Kolkata has. You're there to learn about the "real" Kolkata and to bring Jesus' name and love there. I love you and I am sooo excited to know the miracles that God is going to work there.
<3 Kari
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